Saturday, March 26, 2011


Oh, God, I'm not ready for this.
I haven't dated in a while. What was I thinking? Could I possibly have thought this would be easy? Absolutely not. I'm horrible at this kind of stuff, horrible... 
His name was True. I've seen a few pictures of him from the dating site, and we had talked for a little while--

But this was the real world, I was going to completely screw up. I just know it. 
And as per usual, I'm the only one in the world that feels like their insides are about to burst. Look at him! He's so calm, so... in the game. 
I was so shy.... so...not in the game. 
We exchanged generic formalities...

(Oh, I can't believe we're finally getting to meet, isn't this wonderful?)
We were going to a small bistro in downtown Riverview, which was really a very formal place to be in a small town. As we drove, I whirred through all the possible things that could/would happen, some good, mostly bad. I wasn't very good at being perfect.
But the date went fine. The date went perfect. And I happened to really like True. He was really nice and sweet, and I wouldn't mind seeing him again sometime.

Wouldn't mind that at all, in fact. I mean, look at that face! It's so sweet, ahh. 
But nothing could prepare me for what I was about to face once I got back home. Nothing. 
Oh my. Squeeee!!
Saturday, March 26th, 2011. This day, this day was the happiest day of my life.
Happier than when I first met Darian.
Happier than when I discovered Darian was in Riverview
Even happier than the birth of my girls.
And why you ask? Because today, Saturday, March 26th, 2011--
--was the beginning of forever. 
The beginning of my family.
I told Mom I'd be okay. I told her I never thought she had failed on me. Never. And I wouldn't fail her. 
And I wouldn't want to be with anybody else. 
Thanks, Mom.
I love you.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


 "Noel?" Kayo called out from the living room. "Noel... how does it feel to... to have a family?"
"Gee," I began. To be honest, it hadn't really even sunk in. Who ever that thought I would have any sort of family to fall back on? Darian was always there for me when I needed him, and I had two, growing, healthy baby girls. Why hadn't it sunk in? Beats me. "Gee, Kayo... it's--it's different. No doubt about that."
 "Your kiddies are so cute," she cooed. "You're the luckiest woman on Earth, you know! You're a mother!"
I giggled a bit at that. I wasn't sure if staying up all night trying to juggle two screaming toddlers was my definition of lucky, but I suppose if the shoe fits....
 "Noel... I've been looking at this site.... What... what do you think? Is it... too... too desperate?" I looked at her, astonished. How could I think her desperate? This woman had helped me through thick and thin, and there was no way that the word "desperate" could even begin to describe Kayo. "No way, Kayo. No way. If that's what you want, go for it."
I knew how badly Kayo wanted kids. A family. I could see it in the way she looked at Annabelle and Marie. It's why she's stuck around so long, her love for children. And though I know she loves them as if they were her own, but... that's just it. They're not her own, and she wishes she had a family. I get it.
 "C'mon, I'll help you set up your profile," I said with a chuckle, giving her a playful nudge. "You don't want to seem too.... fake. You gotta be real, right? So write down what you know."

Write what you know.

That sounds easy, right? Right. Write. Write what I know... I know... I know my... favorite pizza place! But who cares about that? Write about... my... my....


This was gonna take a while.
I covered my head and typed a... very generalized description of me. Very vague. I stared at it for a while and almost went to change it, but shook it off and submitted it. My profile was made, and for right now, I didn't want to look at it. It was time for a distraction.

Mom called.

She wanted to see the girls, and I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised, but I am. I mean, they're her grandchildren, why wouldn't she want to see them? I suppose I just figured that since I moved out on her, she would have some sort of grudge. Of course, I told her she could come over. I did have mixed feelings on it though, there was no way around that.

I mean, it's not like I've forgotten.
The bad thing.
They had aged, it shocked me. But Dad still looked charming, and Mom had never seemed more stress-free. It warmed my heart to see them after so long, and I threw whatever concerns I had once had out the window. These were my parents.
It was awkward. I mean, I was living with Darian, and I was pretty sure Dad didn't approve of us living together and having kids without being married. I wanted to assure him that we would, but I don't know how keen Darian is on that, and I would hate to make him feel uncomfortable. They didn't even know Kayo, and she tried to be upbeat and cheerful, but they just didn't respond. So there I was, sitting between two of the most important people in my life, watching the two most important kids I will ever know, staring at two parents I wasn't even sure I knew.
Eventually, Mom broke the silence.
"So what are your plans? For the girls?"
"I, uh, I don't really know yet. I'm just going to... take care of them. What else can I do?"
"Well, a good mother usually makes plans for her children. You know, to make sure that everything goes well in their life. So you have no regrets. You do want to be a good mother, don't you?"
"And what is that supposed to mean?!"
"It means I want you to do better, Noel! These are your kids, and if my mother had been around to tell me that, I would have listened! I would have--"
"--I would have been a better mother."

Sunday, February 13, 2011


 "Ohhh!" Kayo swooned. "I can hardly wait!"
 "Oh, Noel, you won't regret it! No you won't! I can already see it, it's going to be so perfect!"
 "Oh, I'm just so happy for you! And Darian, too, he's such a sweetheart, he really is...."
"I'm sure you'll do a great job, Kayo. You know I wouldn't pick just anyone to decorate this room. My decorating skills aren't quite up to par," I said, nudging her playfully in the arm.
 So you're probably wondering what's got Kayo in super spazz mode. Well, it all started one morning when I was getting ready to zoom off for work, and I wasn't feeling quite right. Not right at all.
 I passed it off as just a stomach bug or something, I mean, what else could it be, right?
Wrong. Before I knew it, my belly was expanding, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Were Darian and I even ready for kids? We weren't even married, for plumbob's sake. I knew Kayo would help, of course, she was basically like a sister to me by now. 
Surprisingly, no one else shared my anxiety. Darian was constantly talking to my belly, and Kayo was fascinated with the baby. I think she may even want a child herself now. Good Plumbob. 

Kayo had me reading pregnancy books out my rear as well, which I absolutely hated her for. I had never liked reading, never, but she was bound and determined to get me educated. I guess it's not a bad thing, really, but couldn't I have watched a video or something? I think my eyes are burning...
 Somewhere along the line, Kayo decided she would like to pick up a career in music. Darian took her to the guitar shop, and it wasn't long before she brought home a brand new guitar. She instantly fell in love with it, and was oohing and ahhing with the music Darian was teaching her.

"I should play this song to your belly! Do you think the baby would like that?"

Plumbob, I love that woman.
 I guess I should have seen Kayo and Darian's jam sessions coming a long time ago, but the thought never even crossed my mind. They play pretty much all the time, and even when I try to sleep.
Persistence, I suppose, but geezus.

I guess all that mess was worth it in the end, when I gave birth to not one, but two healthy baby girls. In the exact order that they were born, I give you Annabelle Vegas, who seems to be quite the clumsy lunatic. . .


. . . and Marie Vegas,   my little neurotic  artist. Annabelle looks like she'll grow up to look a lot like me, and my mother.  I'm glad for that, it's a healthy reminder of my lovely mother. Marie obviously has a strong resemblance with Darian, what with her brown hair and deep silver eyes. 
 As I knew she would, Kayo decorated the twin's room marvelously. It was so adorable, I knew it was just perfect for my girls. 
 My girls. They were so beautiful, in each and every way possible. 
 I had the best, sweetest family a girl could ask for. What more could I want?