Saturday, March 5, 2011


 "Noel?" Kayo called out from the living room. "Noel... how does it feel to... to have a family?"
"Gee," I began. To be honest, it hadn't really even sunk in. Who ever that thought I would have any sort of family to fall back on? Darian was always there for me when I needed him, and I had two, growing, healthy baby girls. Why hadn't it sunk in? Beats me. "Gee, Kayo... it's--it's different. No doubt about that."
 "Your kiddies are so cute," she cooed. "You're the luckiest woman on Earth, you know! You're a mother!"
I giggled a bit at that. I wasn't sure if staying up all night trying to juggle two screaming toddlers was my definition of lucky, but I suppose if the shoe fits....
 "Noel... I've been looking at this site.... What... what do you think? Is it... too... too desperate?" I looked at her, astonished. How could I think her desperate? This woman had helped me through thick and thin, and there was no way that the word "desperate" could even begin to describe Kayo. "No way, Kayo. No way. If that's what you want, go for it."
I knew how badly Kayo wanted kids. A family. I could see it in the way she looked at Annabelle and Marie. It's why she's stuck around so long, her love for children. And though I know she loves them as if they were her own, but... that's just it. They're not her own, and she wishes she had a family. I get it.
 "C'mon, I'll help you set up your profile," I said with a chuckle, giving her a playful nudge. "You don't want to seem too.... fake. You gotta be real, right? So write down what you know."

Write what you know.

That sounds easy, right? Right. Write. Write what I know... I know... I know my... favorite pizza place! But who cares about that? Write about... my... my....


This was gonna take a while.
I covered my head and typed a... very generalized description of me. Very vague. I stared at it for a while and almost went to change it, but shook it off and submitted it. My profile was made, and for right now, I didn't want to look at it. It was time for a distraction.

Mom called.

She wanted to see the girls, and I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised, but I am. I mean, they're her grandchildren, why wouldn't she want to see them? I suppose I just figured that since I moved out on her, she would have some sort of grudge. Of course, I told her she could come over. I did have mixed feelings on it though, there was no way around that.

I mean, it's not like I've forgotten.
The bad thing.
They had aged, it shocked me. But Dad still looked charming, and Mom had never seemed more stress-free. It warmed my heart to see them after so long, and I threw whatever concerns I had once had out the window. These were my parents.
It was awkward. I mean, I was living with Darian, and I was pretty sure Dad didn't approve of us living together and having kids without being married. I wanted to assure him that we would, but I don't know how keen Darian is on that, and I would hate to make him feel uncomfortable. They didn't even know Kayo, and she tried to be upbeat and cheerful, but they just didn't respond. So there I was, sitting between two of the most important people in my life, watching the two most important kids I will ever know, staring at two parents I wasn't even sure I knew.
Eventually, Mom broke the silence.
"So what are your plans? For the girls?"
"I, uh, I don't really know yet. I'm just going to... take care of them. What else can I do?"
"Well, a good mother usually makes plans for her children. You know, to make sure that everything goes well in their life. So you have no regrets. You do want to be a good mother, don't you?"
"And what is that supposed to mean?!"
"It means I want you to do better, Noel! These are your kids, and if my mother had been around to tell me that, I would have listened! I would have--"
"--I would have been a better mother."


  1. I loved it, Crazy!

  2. The last line and picture were great. Way to capture a moment!

  3. What you're saying is completely true. I know that everybody must say the same thing, but I just think that you put it in a way that everyone can understand. I'm sure you'll reach so many people with what you've got to say.

  4. I am extremely impressed along with your writing abilities, Thanks for this great share.