I'm afraid that your eyes don't deceive you. I am older--Levi is older--and it seems that not years are furthering the aging process, but the life around us. It was all so busy, hectic, and demaninding, and there were few things keeping me grounded at the moment. One of those things were my family.
A few days ago, Levi confessed to me that he was fired--had been fired. Oh boy, was I angry. Why didn't he just tell me? No, instead he decided he didn't need the music industry to help him with his dreams. He told me had it all planned out. He and my brother, he claimed, were started a band called the Infiltrators, and he would manage it.
But he wasn't the only one having career difficulties.
That night I had been demoted. Pay decreased and work hours maximized. We were already barely able to pay the bills.
But that wasn't the only shocker. I had also found out I was pregnant.
And it was all to much. I broke down, right then. I was frustrated. Frustrated that I couldn't help. Couldn't provide a decent home for my little Noel and my future child. Frustrated that I couldn't do anything right. Frustrated, because Levi deserved so much better than me.
My dear Noel. Could it already be that time? As she blew her candles, I made a silent wish for my children.
May you grow up and prosper. Forgive Mommy. Forgive Daddy. I promise you we did our best.
She gave one last dazzling smile to her father, and she was no longer my little Noel, but a woman to be.
She liked to spend a lot of time in her room. For hours, she would just sit there, and I wondered what she thought about. She was definitely a deep thinker--it took a lot to get her out of those frequent spells.
I saw so much of her parents in her face. She reminded me of myself when I was her age-- young, carefree, and loving. So why then, when I looked at her, all I wanted to do was cry?
I did mention there were a few things that kept me grounded did I not? Well Brian here provided me means to express the evil side of me--the side that clawed so angrily to get out.
Was it murder, what I was trying to do? Probably. But Noel would never know, and Levi would never know, and he was simply my source of entertainment for now.
I predict him dead by nightfall.